Friday, March 16, 2007

The "Not-So-Rosy" Part

During the 16 month wait I discovered a great place on line to keep me in touch with others also waiting. The Rumor Queen blog ( had its share of controversy, but without it I would have been completely clueless in this complicated and tedious process. The Queen, a fellow adoptive mom, published an article called “The Not-So-Rosy Part”. It was a reminder to all of us that these children who were to be placed into our arms were not just little beautiful bundles of joy, but that they were coming to us with a past, even if it was a brief past.
So many of the articles we see posted only show the positive sides. Isn’t it wonderful that we can share our joys our children bring us? But the point is that many people, prospective adoptive parent in particular, see only the successes we’ve experienced and don't realize the difficulties. I see that in my own blog. Maybe, perhaps, because I’ve had biological children it was an understood part of parenthood that there would be dark days. With children there will always be some hardships, some phases they must pass through, but I am finding out that with an adoptive child I have more areas where I am clueless.
For the most part, Mia has come to us without hesitation and has seems to feel totally at home with us. But still I’ve wondered how much she remembers of her foster family. She is so loving. Someone has shown her much love and laughter before us. Mia is smart and has a good memory. She mimics and remembers the “tricks” we teach her easily. Does she stop and ponder the people she no longer sees and the games she played with them? I see her especially thoughtful with persons who have dark hair and eyes, very solemn in fact. Older people and men get the same deep looks. Did an elderly man live and care for her? I’ll never know.
For almost a month now we’ve been home. Mia has been sleeping, eating, and interacting wonderfully, until the past week. Though her day-time schedule is still going smoothly and she’s eating, napping and eating good, her nights have been disturbing. She’s waking nightly before 1 a.m. and not going back to sleep easily. Sometimes she’s refusing to lay down. Sometimes she’s just tossing and turning and crying out every few minutes. We’ve tried almost every trick we know and have reviewed every possible thing that could be triggering her sleeplessness, but we are clueless. My thoughts go back to the article by the Rumor Queen. Could this be part of the attachment process? Could Mia be working out the changes in her life subconsciously? It’s quiet possible. I look at this happy, funny girl and see her so exuberant and think, “how can anything but joy be in her heart”. But because I don’t know her past, I’ll always wonder what is going on in her brain that she can’t begin to comprehend.

1 comment:

Brenda & Dave said...

I have enjoyed following your journey to Mia. We are in the process to get dd # 2. Our first had lots of sleep issues and night terrors, but was a happy sunny child during the day (she was 9 months old from an orphanage). Co-sleeping and me not stressing about it so much was what worked best for us. Hang in there! It takes awhile but does get better. Long live RQ!